No One Will Talk to Me

Dear Donna,

"I want to get my "ducks in a row" as you say, and plan my funeral ahead. No one in my family will listen. They tell me that I will never die! At 68 years old, I know that is n ot true! What should I say to them?" - Eugene

Dear Eugene,

Say to them you hare happy that they do not look forward to ytour death, but just in case they are wrong, you've made arrangements with us! Then stay true to your word and make an appointment to discuss your choices with one of our staff. In all of the years, I have never heard a family say, "oh I wish they hadn't planned ahead." No, consistently families whose loved ones made choices ahead and chose how it was to be paid for, say that EVERYONE should plan ahead as a gift to their family. It just makes sense! Give us a call!" - Donna

Thanksgiving

Dear Donna,

"Thanksgiving will be difficult this year, since I lost my wife and my children lost their mother this summer. how can we bring her memory into the day without making it too sad? Thanks you" - Sincerely, Bob

Dear Bob,

"Sad is not bad. Missing who has died is acknowledging how much you all love and miss her, espically during the holidays. Set aside time early in the day to do something in her honor. A few ideas:

• Gather in a circle, hold hands and give thanks for the gifts you received from her.
• Take a walk together and have each person share a happy memory
• Find treasures in nature - acorns or pretty leaves. Have each person place one in a bowl, saying thank-you for the gifts of nature and the love one you've lost.

I hope you and your children are involved in Sniffles Place for Grieving Children, Teens and Families. Many have found healing there". - Warm Thanksgiving wishes, Donna

More Comments From Readers

Dear Donna,

Thank you for telling the truth about how people hate high-pressure sales tactics, especially surrounding death. People from the cemetery knocked on my door unexpectedly to try to sell me a casket. They told my neighbor she had to have her husband's ashes buried in their cemetery becasue she owned space in the cemetery--that it was a state law. Not true at all. Beware. - Frank

Dear Frank,

I like to believe that most business owners care very much about their reputation. Please contact the owner of the cemetery you are concerned about. Maybe the owners really do not know what is going on with the sales force. Please contact me if you have any other questions. - Sincerely - Donna

Cemetery Sales

Dear Donna,

"A cemetery has called me to make funeral prearrangements. Why would I make funeral plans with a cemetery? It doesn't make sense to me. I am feeling pressured. I know it is just another telemarketing call, but I worry about other folks who might easily be intimidated." - John

Dear John,

"We have received many calls about this. If you own space in the cemetery these callers represent, thry believe they have the right to call you and try to sell you more. Death care is a very personal decision. Certainly not a time for high-pressure. Thank you for making us aware of this practice in our community. For 75 years Hippensteel has been providing straight answers with no pressure, and we plan to continue operating in this ethical, compassionate manner." - Sincerely, Donna

Caring About Families

Dear Donna,

"I thought you might like this photo of a duck and her ducklings crossing 9th Street in front of Hippensteel. Afew weeks ago my dad (who owns the Autotorium on N. 11th St.) called me over to see these ducks that had paraded through his shop. I grabbed my camera and followed them for a little while. I assume they were heading to the Wabash, and I hope they made it there safely. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the photo!" - Carey Briggs

Dear Carey,

"Thanks you so much! What a great picture! The staff enjoyed it so muchwe had to share it with the readers!" - Donna

Greif Groups Beginning

Dear Readers,

"Sniffles Place for Grieving Children, andTeens & Families have regularly scheduled meeting times on Monday nights. Added to that schedule (always posted on our website) is a Young Widow/Widowers Grief Group to begin on Monday, July 18th at 6:30pm and continue on the 3rd Monday of each month. Programs for children 0-6th grade are available.

Motherless Daughters, a grief group for women whose mothers have died at any age from any cause, willmeet on the 4th Mondays of each month 6:30pm. All grief groups meet at the Hippensteel Tribute Centerand Sniffles Place, 2529 Schuyler Ave.,Lafayette. Registration is appreciated.

Call Cheryl at 765-414-2070 or CyNDY at 765-491-5321. There is never a cost for any indvidual or group session. At Hippensteel, we understand that the funeral is just the beginning ofthe grief journey." - Donna

Memorial Contributions

Dear Donna,

"When the obituary says donations can be made to charity of choice, do they really meat it? My friend, who did not like dogs, died and my favorite charity is a animal shelter. Not sure what to do." -Charlene

Dear Charlene,

"Yes, I am sure the families mean "you choose." As a friend, I might choose to donate to something that was meaningful to both of you. Remember, it is the attitude of the heart that really matters, so gifts given in love always find a way to help!" -Donna

Funeral Procession Question

Dear Donna ,
My Mother recently passed away. On the way to the cemetery, during
the procession, we had a couple of cars pass our procession ( four lane
highway). I was surprised, I thought people would be respectful enough
not to go whizzing by. W hat is the correct protocol? I even saw one car
at a stop light go through the middle of the procession! - Jeanette

Dear Jeanette,
This is a great question... there is a fine line between protocol
and respect when it comes to funeral processions on multiple
lane highways. It is allowable to pass on the left side of the
procession as long as passing the procession can be done in a
safe manner. Many times we see vehicles even on single lane
roads not pullover. Most people agree that pulling over is a sign
of respect for the deceased and the family. It is important that
we are courteous, honorable, and approach funeral processions
respectfully, always keeping safety in mind. Thank you for your letter. - Donna

Grief Conference October 31st

Dear Readers,
Exploring and Expressing Grief, the fourth annual conference for those experiencing
grief and bereavement professionals presented by St. Elizabeth Hospice is Saturday, October 31st
at the Kathryn Weil Center for Education. What makes this day so special is the combination of
attendees...those grieving and the professionals who have chosen grief work for their life’s work.
There will be discussion groups, a presentation on “Grief and the Holidays,” and an
opportunity to learn and express yourself through the “healing arts” which will include writing,
music and collage art. This conference is open to all and can be very rewarding and helpful to
those who are working their way through their own grief journey.
Registration is required so reserve your seat now at 765-449-5133. For more
information on this conference go to www.ste.org/grief. See you there!

Misleading Directions

Dear Donna,
I want to correct your directions to your Tribute Center. Schuyler Ave. ends at I-65 near the SR 25 South sign. SR 25 now comes down from Logansport, but turns south onto I-65, splitting northwest at SR 38, to US 52, then West on Teal. INDOT rerouted SR 25 a few years ago. - Jeff

Dear Jeff,
Wow! I certainly want information to be correct. We opened the Tribute Center at the request of families in the community who wanted a more relaxed gathering place where food could be served in a location easily accessible to both Lafayette, West Lafayette and I-65. Easy to understand directions, in colloquial language, using familiar landmarks is working well. I have received many beautiful letters from families who have found the Tribute Center to be warm, welcoming and easy to find. 2529 Schuyler Ave. is what works, of course, for Mapquest and GPS. Interesting letter. Thanks for writing! - Donna

Life Lessons...

Dear Donna,

Please encourage everyone at any age to put their affairs in order. My siblings and I are in our twenties and both parents died suddenly.It is a nightmare trying to find things. Mortgage payments are behind, insurance benefits are unclear, and there is no will in place. There are full siblings, half siblings, and step siblings. It is so much work and we are so angry about the mess they left. Of course we love them and will miss them terribly, but there is no excuse. -Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

What a great lesson for parents to hear this from someone your age! Along with the grief of losing your parents and now being ‘orphans’, the anger that accompanies the added stress of ‘knowing nothing’ is very real. We always assume that we will live a long time. Even if parents are reluctant to share the information, they should make sure you know where to find it and what attorney they use. EVERYONE should have a will. Thank you for reminding us of this most important lesson. -Donna

A Very Personal Tribute...

Dear Donna,

This is really a thank you rather than a question. Recently my son, Tim Forkeotes, passed away. My daughter, Anna, made all of the arrangements. She chose Hippensteel, for which the family is thankful. With suggestions and the insight of the Hippensteel staff, they helped us arrange a funeral centered on our own remembrance of Tim and his life. We focused on his life, not on his death. Tim was very much a country person with a very active interest in vegetable gardening. Instead of a floral spray on his casket, Anna created a garden spray of vegetable plants right from Tim’s garden. Anna and Tim’s fiancé made metal flowers from old Budweiser cans Tim had saved. Both creations were original, natural and artistic. The viewing, and the service itself, which took place at the Tribute Center, were handled in a relaxed, but respectful manner. Thank you to Hippensteel for helping to make the time beautiful and memorable. - Sincerely, Nel Hoon

Dear Nel,

It was an honor to serve your family. Most important, by honoring Tim’s life in a manner unique to him, you honored all life for the gift it is. Every day I see the sweetness families bring to the most difficult situations. Your letter will encourage others to do it their way! Thank you for your kind words. We love what we do. Blessings for your journey, -Donna

Sign Up Today For Trails Of Hope Camp!

Dear Donna,

I’ve been to Trails of Hope Camp before but can’t find the dates for this year on the website. Is there a camp this year? I sure hope so! I still miss my mom. -Mara

Dear Mara,

YES, THERE IS A CAMP THIS YEAR! October 3rd at Cary Camp in Lafayette. The Camp website www.trailsofhopecamp.org lists the dates under the “Calendar of Events.” I’m so sorry you couldn’t find the information you needed. This year is an all day Saturday camp! Camp is free and all children and teens, ages 7-17, are welcome to register and attend. Volunteers are needed! Mark your calendars for the 2010 Spring Camp on May 1st. Trails of Hope Camp is a community camp and it is generously supported by many caring businesses and individuals. For information please call 765-491-6119, 1-877-477-7302 or go to the website. Thanks, Mara, for your question! See you at Camp! Sincerely, Donna